Inside Outside

I've put a lot of thought into why people blog. I think there are several reasons:

#1. People are generally self centered and it is an appropriate way to talk about themselves without feeling self centered.

#2. Some people are looking for fame, like those new "YouTube" stars that keep coming out of nowhere.

#3. There is a specific topic someone wants to share with the world about. Like the people who blog about only donuts or wallpaper.

#4. Blogging is the new way to journal.

Number four is the one I am most intrigued by. It used to be journaling or keeping a diary was a very private matter. No one wanted their big brother to find their journal, read it and then have dirt to make fun of them about. No one wanted their parents to know what they truly thought about inside their heads. So why now is "blogging" the new "journaling?" Are people becoming more and more comfortable with sharing their inner most thoughts with the entire world? Or is it truly because bloggers want to impact other people's lives by sharing their honest inside out story?

I know personally in my blog, which I realize only has four posts, I have been fairly vague about the specifics of what I am writing. Do I need to reach a point of comfortablenss with my blog that I share my insides with the outside? Does every detail, feeling, thought, and opinion really make for a good blog? Or can I keep up with the vague descriptions of what I'm going through and still feel as though I've said what I needed to say?

Waiting.

I HATE waiting. Waiting may be one of the worst things in life. I hate waiting behind the coupon lady at the grocery store who refuses to use her debit card and must write a check. I hate waiting in traffic. I hate waiting at the tag office. I hate waiting in lines for a public restroom. I HATE WAITING!

Well, I was given some disturbing news last week that is requiring me to wait. The problem with me having to wait is I sit up at night thinking about all the "what ifs" and then I dream all night about the possible outcomes of my "what ifs". Then during the day I procrastinate on projects and tasks because doing them may impact my "what ifs." Then I get anxious, I get tired from all my vivid dreams, and I can barely concentrate on anything else. I'll admit it, I probably hate waiting because I have a slight tendency towards being controlling... or as one mean lady told me once... "You are control freakish!". I really don't think that is a word, and I do not think I'm a freak about control, I just want to know what is going to happen!

I know I can't control this situation, and no amount of thinking, dreaming or anxiety is going to change the outcome. I just wish it was over. I know God has a plan for me, and whatever is the result of this change will be for the best. I just wish in the mean time I could have on "off" button for my thinking.