Birthday

So today is my 29th Birthday. 29 is such a weird age.
I remember when I thought 30 year olds were so OLD and MATURE. I do not feel like either of these things! I keep waiting to feel like I'm an adult, but it never seems to happen. I'm not freaked out at the idea of turning 30. (well at least not yet, I have a whole year to get freaked out!) What really freaks me out is that since I am now 29, in a little over a month my daughter will be 9. Now that seems old and mature. How can she already almost be 9? Half of my time with her is almost over. I keep telling her to stop growing, but apparently I do not have that type of control. It was kind of funny this morning my dad wished me a happy 28th, and after I corrected him, he said he was trying to remember what he was doing the day I was born and he said he couldn't remember. Now I will give him credit, it was 29 years ago, but I do not think i will ever forget the day my daughter was born. That day changed my life forever. Maybe that was the day I became an adult? Maybe I get to spend the rest of my life feeling like I did that day because that was the moment all my priorities changed and I became respondsible. That's really what being an adult is all about anyway, right? I guess I'll stop waiting to "feel" like an adult and just relish every minute I get to spend with the now almost 9 year old who changed me forever.

Inside Outside

I've put a lot of thought into why people blog. I think there are several reasons:

#1. People are generally self centered and it is an appropriate way to talk about themselves without feeling self centered.

#2. Some people are looking for fame, like those new "YouTube" stars that keep coming out of nowhere.

#3. There is a specific topic someone wants to share with the world about. Like the people who blog about only donuts or wallpaper.

#4. Blogging is the new way to journal.

Number four is the one I am most intrigued by. It used to be journaling or keeping a diary was a very private matter. No one wanted their big brother to find their journal, read it and then have dirt to make fun of them about. No one wanted their parents to know what they truly thought about inside their heads. So why now is "blogging" the new "journaling?" Are people becoming more and more comfortable with sharing their inner most thoughts with the entire world? Or is it truly because bloggers want to impact other people's lives by sharing their honest inside out story?

I know personally in my blog, which I realize only has four posts, I have been fairly vague about the specifics of what I am writing. Do I need to reach a point of comfortablenss with my blog that I share my insides with the outside? Does every detail, feeling, thought, and opinion really make for a good blog? Or can I keep up with the vague descriptions of what I'm going through and still feel as though I've said what I needed to say?

Waiting.

I HATE waiting. Waiting may be one of the worst things in life. I hate waiting behind the coupon lady at the grocery store who refuses to use her debit card and must write a check. I hate waiting in traffic. I hate waiting at the tag office. I hate waiting in lines for a public restroom. I HATE WAITING!

Well, I was given some disturbing news last week that is requiring me to wait. The problem with me having to wait is I sit up at night thinking about all the "what ifs" and then I dream all night about the possible outcomes of my "what ifs". Then during the day I procrastinate on projects and tasks because doing them may impact my "what ifs." Then I get anxious, I get tired from all my vivid dreams, and I can barely concentrate on anything else. I'll admit it, I probably hate waiting because I have a slight tendency towards being controlling... or as one mean lady told me once... "You are control freakish!". I really don't think that is a word, and I do not think I'm a freak about control, I just want to know what is going to happen!

I know I can't control this situation, and no amount of thinking, dreaming or anxiety is going to change the outcome. I just wish it was over. I know God has a plan for me, and whatever is the result of this change will be for the best. I just wish in the mean time I could have on "off" button for my thinking.

Getting Older Every Minute

I find myself at one of those significant points in life when I need to make a mature, adult decision even though every fiber of my being wants to choose the reckless, spur of the moment option. Most days of my life I "feel" like I'm no older than a crazy 18 year old girl, but today I feel like the "grey-haired, getting older-every minute, 28 year old that I am." Now, I know, 28 is not THAT old, but I do have the grey hair and all these adult decisions make it feel old.

I've noticed that as I get older, God as strategically placed people in my life that have an abundance of wisdom that needs to be imparted on me. Most times I feel overwhelmingly blessed by these people and at others times I feel nothing more than annoyed. I have consulted three of these such people about this major decision and the first, in all her wisdom, told me exactly what I needed to hear, because it was simply the truth. The second person, totally irritated me (enough said). The third, in her absolute sweetness supported me, but also pushed me in the direction of the mature adult decision.

So, two out of three said what I wanted to hear and three out of three said what I needed to hear (even if it totally annoyed me). So I guess I will be an responsible, adult, 28 year old and make the right decision. Thank you wisdom filled, and slightly annoying friends. Without you I would be a reckless mess.

ED

Blogging....

Soooooo, a few people, whom I trust, have told me I should blog. Blogging, hum.
 Well I read several blogs. Some friend's blogs, some (Pioneer Woman) etc... but what do I have to say?

I even told one such friend, if I blogged, I'd probably get in trouble. But then I thought... "Get in trouble?, I'm an adult... at least I'm suppose to be." Who is going to get me in trouble? If I blog, these are my thoughts, right? So maybe I do have something to say. Maybe someone would like to read what I think about.

So here I am. Blogging. This really goes out of my comfort zone, hence the title "uncertain me". So here is what I think I have to offer: I wear many hats. I'm a woman, a wife, a mother, a therapist, a Christian, a sister, a daughter, a friend, I'm not perfect (nor do I want to be), and I'm a major goofball. I love all these hats I wear, although I can be uncertain of where I actually fit in all these hats. So bear with me, this blog will be rocky, uncertain and goofy. I want to write, and I guess this is the way to get it out there what I think about. So here goes....